Gay father and son relationship
The Psychology Behind Strained Father Son Relationships
Over the years of working with men in therapy, I discovered that the issues that so often come up about careers or relationships could often be traced back, sooner or later, to the lack of relationship with their fathers.
A man in therapy who I’ll call “John” describes his experiences with his father as follows,
My father was a successful clothing salesman who worked a lot, but even when he was home on weekends he wasn’t available. All of my existence I’ve suffered from uncertainties about my masculinity. I think it’s because he never shared anything about himself with me. He didn’t tell me what kinds of problems he wrestled with, what he felt, or what it meant to him to be a man. I’ve had to make it all up for myself, and I’m never sure I got it right.”
The German novelist Franz Kafka reveals about this about his father in “Letter to My Father.”
“What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.”
Kafka goes on to express that the hostility his father expressed against him as a child, he now turns against hi
#13 - DISTURBED FATHER/SON AND PEER-GROUP RELATIONSHIPS: CRUCIAL INFLUENCES IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF MALE HOMOSEXUALITY
Updated: May 4, 2024
From the outset, it must be commended that there are many routes that lead into homosexuality. Male children undertake not grow skillfully when they perform not have a loving father with whom to name. Absent or unacceptable fathers do not provide the needed father-son affectional bond.
The constellation of antecedent variables is probably different for each male who identifies himself as gay. It is important to recollect that fathers or mothers are not invariably culpable when their children expand to become drawn erotically to others of their control gender. Mothers are often left to raise their male children alone for reasons beyond their control. No-fault divorce has increased greatly the extent of fatherless homes. Fathers can be taken for various reasons. They can be ill, incapacitated, or die. They could be away in the military or incarcerated for extended periods. Relational estrangement resulting from the death of a male infant's mother will likely spoil the relationship he could subsequently possess developed with his father.
Who’s your daddy? The archetype of the father/son relationship is one paradigm that can be used to understand and experience queer men’s sexuality and relationships. It’s an plan that may not work for everyone but it’s drawn-out been a potent conceptual framework for me.
Whether it contains overt role-playing or not, sometimes the ways two individual men relate to one another — in bed and out — can have aspects of the familial and paternal with someone who seems “older and wiser” taking charge and offering encouragement and sustain to someone else who needs it.
For me this is not specifically about age: The first time another man called me “Daddy” in a sexual context I was in my early 20s. I’ve enjoyed swinging on both limbs of that family trunk with gusto since then, but for years now I’ve found myself more and more in the dad role, sometimes even with men much older than me.
It’s hard for me to pin down what I even mean by that — it’s a very particular way of perceiving yourself in relation to a fellow human being. A physical example: Probably the most highly charged and fulfilling thing I can
Father opens up about coming out to his 3 sons: I'm still the same dad as before
"Good Morning America" is featuring stories in celebration of Celebration Month. Scott Takacs, a 46-year-old and father of three, penned a personal essay about his experience coming out as a gay man to his sons. Read about his journey below in his own words.
Coming out at 42
I was 42 years old when I came out to my wife. It was 15 months later that I started that same conversation with my three boys -- 9-year-old twins and an 11-year-old.
The whole experience is somewhat of a blur, mostly in part to the fact that at that point in my existence there was a lot of change happening and some significant pent-up emotions. There wasn't much of a plan, no guidebook in hand, only goals that I hoped my boys would start the process of empathetic and accepting their dad for whom I truly was: a gay man.
It had been a long 15 months since coming out to my wife, an experience I unfortunately wouldn't narrate as positive, fun or something I ever want to reiterate. It was wrought with the happiness of finally telling the closest person in my correct identity, while simultaneously ripping her wo